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“Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers – and fathering is a very important stage in their development.”
David M. Gottesman

The sexiest, most interesting men alive, are not the ones with six packs for abs, nor the men who are driving flashy cars and carrying thick wallets. They’re the fathers who have embraced their roles and are fully responsible for the impact they wield on their children’s lives.

They’re the men who realize that mothering shouldn’t be a 24 hour job – and jump at the chance to spend time with their children. Men, who do so, because they’ve found true happiness in make-believe stories and therapeutic laughter at the changing table; not because it’s some mandatory duty carried out to deflect anger from an overworked spouse.

Real fathers make the conscious decision to be present in their children’s lives, to learn and improve in their roles as “dad”. Happy Father’s Day to all the dad’s who are striving daily to do their best for their children…

Here are some insightful & helpful blogs penned by fathers. If you have a favorite, please share!

• Rey(es) of Light
• A Dad’s Point of View
• Dad Labs

Photo Credit

I have been blessed. My mother taught me the importance of affection and love which I passed onto my children.

When I first had my babies, I assumed if I put my heart and soul into them, they would grow to be fine, young men. It has proven true, thank goodness! Raising children is like closing your eyes and jumping – thinking you know where you’ll land, but never being sure until you do.

The attached picture and the poem below are my favorite Mother’s Day gifts from my boys. The handprint is a gift from my soon to be 18 year old, his hand now bigger than the material the kindergarten version is printed upon.

The poem is from my new 16 year old. He wrote it in his first years of school. Both gifts make me cry.

Night in Shining Armor

You’re the shield
Blocking things I do and say
You’re the sword
Slashing my nightmares far away
You’re the night in shining armor
Keeping me safe,
Happy mothers day.

By your son,
C. Williams

I hope you are celebrating today with the women who have slashed your nightmares away. Happy Mother’s Day.

I tried to remember all 45 of my previous Christmas mornings…. the last time I got a gift I was truly excited about was around 1975. Santa brought me a Barbie Townhouse. He set it up in all of it’s three story glory. I had a run of a few good years where anything Barbie was a success. Then I moved onto the Bay City Rollers… but my family didn’t….at least not until 5 years after the band’s rise and fall. The albums I got in the late-80′s must have registered when my family saw them in the bargain bin at Kmart.

Then I got married, and with the innocent exuberance of a newlywed, I thought the gifts would be thoughtful, considerate, and something I really wanted. To be honest, I don’t remember if they were or not. I was probably shell-shocked after opening “The Joy of Sex” (volumes 1 & 2!) in front of my grandparents. (Another blue light special, I’m sure!)

Truth be told, Christmas was scary. As the sole budget responsible adult in the relationship, and a stay-at-home-mom, I had none of the earning power and all the magic. My wand had to turn a single paycheck into 1.5 times it’s actual worth nearly every month. I cringed when I got useless gifts because it meant I was going to have to cut something else of mine to make up for the shortfall. Luxuries like underwear, or replacement clothing for the maternity clothes I’d worn years after I was no longer pregnant.

I lost my love of an exciting Christmas for myself in those years, instead I lived it through my children. I made sure they were grateful for the one or two important items they got.

This year is my first Christmas as a single parent. I have no wands to wave and no credit cards to pay off. Christmas is peaceful. Getting a gift that makes my heart race isn’t about the money. It’s not about having the latest and greatest gadget. It’s about knowing someone… anyone… cares enough to understand what is important to me.

This Christmas morning ask yourself, have you given something thoughtful to the people you love? You’re almost always sure to succeed if it has an elevator…

Post-Christmas Update…

I need to update this post to say Christmas was wonderful. My children came through with the best gifts I’ve ever received. Not because they had huge dollar value but because they displayed thought and consideration for what I would appreciate. The gift was the incredible feeling of being “known”.

I hadn’t planned to get any this year as I wrongly assumed he’d outgrown it. In that moment, I realized he hadn’t. It was a tradition that signaled the start of his Christmas season.

Tradition has been a recurring theme in my life this month and not just because I will be initiating new family traditions as a single mother.

Not all traditions are events that surround well-known holidays. Traditions can be personal and private as well.

When my grandmother was married during WWII, she unknowingly began a family tradition. Her bouquet consisted of pink roses wired inside the openings of white gladiolas. My mother carried a similar bouquet on her wedding day in 1964, as did I when I married in 1990. My friend who had also been my Maid of Honour thought the bouquet was beautiful and chose to incorporate the same flowers for her mother’s funeral. She knew it would be special to me.

Definition of Tradition

Dictionary.com defines tradition as:

-noun
1. the handing down of statements, beliefs, legends, customs, information, etc., from generation to generation, esp. by word of mouth or by practice: a story that has come down to us by popular tradition.
2. something that is handed down: the traditions of the Eskimos.
3. a long-established or inherited way of thinking or acting: The rebellious students wanted to break with tradition.
4. a continuing pattern of culture beliefs or practices.
5. a customary or characteristic method or manner: The winner took a victory lap in the usual track tradition.
6. Theology .
a. (among Jews) body of laws and doctrines, or any one of them, held to have been received from Moses and originally handed down orally from generation to generation.
b. (among Christians) a body of teachings, or any one of them, held to have been delivered by Christ and His apostles but not originally committed to writing.
c. (among Muslims) a hadith.
7. Law . an act of handing over something to another, esp. in a formal legal manner; delivery; transfer.

Purpose of Tradition

Tradition allows us to know what to expect. It’s a social or emotional roadmap with roots based in history.

Tradition allows us to signify the importance of an occasion. Sometimes it’s an outward display such as marriage or communion, other times it’s an internal event. Mostly, it’s both.

Breaking with Tradition

When tradition is firmly steeped in someone’s life, choosing to break with it may require an event just as significant as as the tradition itself. This past weekend I attended a “burning.” A friend needed a symbolic event to move from married to single life. He did so by burning chosen items that represented the challenges resulting in his marriage’s demise. It was an emotional clearing of traditional vows that had kept him in an unhappy union far too long.

New Traditions

We’ll be breaking with tradition this holiday season in many ways. I won’t be cooking Christmas eve dinner or opening Christmas eve presents with my children because they’ll be at their father’s house. Instead, I’ll resurrect a new/old family tradition and cook on Christmas Day in anticipation of their arrival. I’m excited about the possibility of creating new traditions especially since my children are now old enough to be actively involved in the process.

I ordered this Advent Calendar today. There are some traditions worth keeping.